Take it all away at 2ish?

I was just realizing that the TWO’s is a challenging age for kids, and thus their parents.  Despite all the emotional, physical and developmental changes that this little person is going through… the parents are advised to begin the TAKING OUT phase as well.

Begin the toilet training, start reducing the dippers in the day, then get to the accident period then finally make a normal life with underwear (hopefully).

Then, there is also the pacifier.  My daughter is quite attached to it, and I hate that it is a nagging issue in our house.  We reduced the time of use to sleeping and traveling in the car or stroller, as opposed to use it all day if she was allowed.  But I don’t like this dependency, and at the same time, I’m quite touched that this is her comfort thing.  I wish I could trade it for a doll, a blanket or something… but it hasn’t worked for me yet.  So the pacifier will be something that we have to take out too.

Recently I found out that the bottle is also going to be replaced, actually, it should have been replaced already, but I didn’t know.  I still use the bottle for her milk.  One just before her nap, and one before bed time.  We will change her sleeping routine in order to give her milk in a cup or glass, slowly but we have to change this habit.

So at the end, most of what my daughter knows and feels comfortable with will change eventually… no wonder why the terrible twos arise!

 

Toddler’s eating madness!

One of the big things during toddler’s age is eating.  If he eats enough, or too much, is he snacking during the day? What kind of food should I give him?  All sorts of questions around food and our little kid.  I can’t say that I know the answer, but I can saher what has worked for me and my daughter.

* Make it a family dinner.  This is, in any possible situation, have all memers of the family sit together and have a conversation while having your meal.  I know is not as easy as it sounds, its quite challenging.  The food has to be ready, the kid has to be willing to sit in a high chair and the conversations has to be somehow related to your kid or his activities.  But this has helped us to sit down for at least 20 minutes all together.

* Make the same food for everyone.  Most likely, your kid will not have most things, but keep offering them in small amounts.  In that way you will allow your child to have a wide variety of things to eat, and in a long term, cooking will be easier (at least that’s what I hope).

* Have at least one thing that your child likes and recognizes.  This will have him eating something, and sometimes that helps to try other things in the plate, just sometimes.

These are some things that have being useful in my house.  Overall I think that the important thing is to be able to make meals meaningful, as a time for sharing with the family, eating healthy meals and enjoying food.

 

You don’t say NO to a toddler

What do you mean you don’t say NO to a toddler?  At all?  You don’t say no because you don’t want to be a tough parent on your precious little one?  Well, in this matter, I don’t agree.  I think you have to say no to a toddler, you just have to.  Is important and is necessary, they need to hear some NO in orther to understand  YES.  Im not saying that you have to be angry or yell when you say no, Im not even saying that you use the word no in order to say no, but you do have to put limits on your kids.  Saying no is one way to do it.  I have seen that it works with my daughter, in a nice way (when Im not too tired) explaining in simple sentences you are allowed to do this but not that, and it works, it works fine.  I mean, I have to say it in a nice way 20 times cause we are all about repetition now, but she understands what we expect from her (sometimes, some others she will fight for what she wants, and that´s another story, but then you pick your battles).

I’ve witnessed once in a playgroup that a little girl was hitting other kids and the parents didn’t stop her, they will just make excuses to the parents of the kids she was hitting.  I don’t understand this.  It its hitting you are dealing with, you have to say NO, we don’t hit.  I know many kids go through this phase, but all, well, most parents stop them.  And eventually the kids learn not to do it, or grow out of this habit.

I think that one of the roles of parents is to say no.  It is important how you say it, of course, but you do need to put limits.

 

How involved should a father be with his children?

Well, I have to say that as involved as he can and will.  I think is a rather personal decision, as well a a family matter.  I think that it is a subject that has to be discussed before the kids are born, because even when  you talk about it, things will be different than what you imagined, at least, that was my experience, I didn’t think of so many things that you have to take care of with a kid.  Never the less, it is something that should to be discussed with your partner.

It also depends on the parent’s jobs, or if one is not working… new variables involved.

A lot of times I’ve heard that all or most of the kid’s responsibility relies on the mother.  Well, I guess it was the way things were done before, but things have been changing now, and I have to say that now I meet lots of fathers that are involved with their children in various levels.  And sometimes mothers work as well, so the fathers spend more time with the kids than the mothers, and it’s a matter of family decision.  However, for many cases, fathers spend less time with their children.  The main issue here is the quality time.  I don’t agree that spending a couple of hours in the playground along with having cell phone calls is the same quality time as if dad’s actually play with their kids, especially if they don’t attend playground often.  I don’t want to be judgmental, and I don’t know the specific situation, but when I see this I often think: Get off the phone!!

In the end, I don’t think that there is a measure that you can have for the father’s involvement.  It can be that they take care of the kids all day, meaning, preparing meals, changing dippers or using the WC, cleaning after them, putting them to nap, get them to play grounds, etc., or to the extreme that the father only puts the kids to sleep. I think it depends on the family situation and their decisions.   What I do know is that kids enjoy so much to play with their fathers, when they do play with their fathers.

What is your experience?  What is your advice?

 

Are you a Permissive or a Restrictive mom?

When you become a parent you begin to realize theta there is a huge new world or product that is in the market for all kinds of needs.  Some are great and make your life easier with a baby or toddler, some others are cute and likable and a whole lot of them have a great marketing campaign behind them that is getting somewhere.

I began to look for meaningful toys that were fun and educational, and at the same time that they could support good eating habits for my daughter that was starting on solids.  I was quite frustrated tho find the same toys everywhere.  The toys representing TV or video’s characters were a hit, however they were not good for me, my kid didn’t know them (yet, of course).  So I began a small enterprise that makes felt toys called Comiditas.

Anyway, I stared reading a book regarding these issues and was quite surprised with the findings.  Here is just an example of a model which characterizes mothers with respect to their consuming habits towards kids products (or products with cartoons in order to draw children’s attention).  This part of the book talks about Permissive or Restrictive mothers.

There is a research study called “Millennium Mon Segmentation Model” done by the famous marketing group WonderGroup.  With this study, they measure mother’s purchasing behaviors in a scale from Permissive to Restrictive and it has 6 prototypes, three of each in various levels.

P1 represents the most permissive mother.  According to the book, this group represents 7% of Generation-X mothers as a whole.  The characterization mentions: “indulgent”, “impulse shopper”, “respond to brand”, respond to kid requests” while shopping, “allows the kids substantial freedom”, believe that “kids have rights, not responsibilities”.  The following is their analysis on this group: A P1 mother is highly responsive to kid requests, but does not have high income.  She is self-focused: not warm toward kids, and her attitude can be summed up as “Keep out of my life”.  They are lower income, stretched to afford non-essentials, conspicuous and impulsive, single moms.

P2 is about 9% of the group.  According to the model they are Heartland Moms, family-centric, a high percentage are Stay At Home Moms (SAHM); they are middle- to low income.  62% of this group are non-white, and is the second highest single Mom group.

P3 represent 24% of all Generation-X moms.  This group view purchase as a family collaboration, they balance family/work and represent the highest percent full-time employed Moms.  A P3 Mom is middle- to upper income and allows brands and non-essentials.  In this group 70% are white and 60% married.  Well-informed, politically active, health and nutrition conscious.  P3 are the power group for marketers.

The other side of the model presents the Restrictive mothers, that represents 60% of the whole.

R3 is the less restrictive of them.  This mother si called the evil twinsister of P3.  She has a low response for to kid requests while shopping but is emotionally warm toward her children.  R3′s represent the most educated group and have a family focus.  This group is 22% of the whole.

R2 is 23% of Gen-X moms.  These mothers wants to give in to kids requests but can’t financially, is middle to low income, frustrated because she can’t afford it, so she is annoyed with marketers, single- divorced Mom, less informed, a Wal-Mart shopper.

R1 the most restrictive mother of this model represents 15% of the group.  She is tough, very cold, very strict, self-focused.

Now this has gotten me thinking… where am I and how much is my decision to be permissive or restrictive and how much is the marketing programs making me feel in one way or another…

The book is called “Buy, Buy Baby. How consumer culture manipulates parents and harms young minds” from Susan Gregory Thomas (Houghton Mifflin Company, 2007).

P.S. I have to say, this study was done in the US, so I think it might vary in Canada or other countries for sure.